Who is leading your life?…That’s the question I asked myself several months ago. Well, “J” was leading his life for a long, long time. Why was I taking the reigns from the Creator of the universe? I mean, He is the one who spoke the world into existence and gave me life. So why was I trying to tell him what needs to happen in my life?
I have no idea!! I’m guessing because I didn’t know Him in the way that I should. I didn’t open my heart completely to His guidance and I didn’t ask His opinion. That is my only explanation. I knew who He was, but I wasn’t letting Him take the lead in my life.
Ok, so what man doesn’t like to be in control? I’m talking, I have to drive because JoDee obviously can’t (j/k). She often tells me, “you know hunny, I’ve been driving for 20 years, I think I can handle it”. I hate flying because I am not in control (and the last time I flew was in a six-seater plane in which my father-in-law tried to open the window and pieces of the plane just broke off in his hands…and he kept messing around with the control panel…still having nightmares about that plane). 🙂 I hate sitting in traffic because I can’t control the speed at which I want to go. I could go on and on and on. The point is, I like control.
I think that is why it is so hard for us as humans to let God lead. We hate the unknown and want complete control.
So is this where faith comes in? I think so. Trusting God through the unknown is what strengthens our relationship with Him. Trusting Him when a door gets closed when even though we thought it should be opened should cause us to lean harder into Him. Faith is trusting Him through tough times that we don’t seem to understand. The bible puts it best, Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”.
I haven’t had many of these experiences in my life. I don’t have a testimony that will make you sob or make you say WOW! However, looking back over my life its easy to see that He is in complete control.
Take for example, JoDee and I had our hearts set on adoption from Guatemala. We picked out pictures of kids we were willing to adopt and we were willing to love. But, God said, ” I don’t think so” when He allowed the government to shut down adoptions from Guatemala. It makes me sad that those kids still need homes, but He has a plan for them. I often think, if that door wouldn’t have been slammed in our face, we wouldn’t have a little guy named Chesney and a little girl named SaDee. God knew what He was doing.
I didn’t necessarily see myself marrying a beautiful woman who had an eight year old kid. Well, someone else saw that and said “I know she’s right for you”. Wouldn’t you know, this woman has brought me more than I could ever imagine. I think God knew she would bring me to a closer relationship with Jesus simply through her faith in the midst of her tragedies.
I think helping raise that eight year old kid, Elijah, has taught me more about life than anything I have experienced. This kid has taught me that my life isn’t so tough. I mean, being a juvenile diabetic and having watched your grandmother burn in a fire is more than any five-year old should have to bear. I wouldn’t be half as strong as he has been. I know that his story alone has changed my outlook on life.
What about my princess AnneDee? What has her trials in life taught me? Well, it’s taught me to lean hard on Jesus because she’s been through some tough times. I remember many tearful nights at the NICU in Fairfax Hospital. I remember the ambulance ride from Fredericksburg to Fairfax for her severe pneumonia episode this summer in which the outcome was uncertain. I remember the optometrist telling me she thinks AnneDee has a brain tumor. I remember all the cat scans and the MRI’s we have been through. I remember calling my parents and in-laws in tears because my princess was hurting. I can remember as clearly as what I did this morning sitting on the stairs by myself outside Mary Washington Hospital crying my eyes out asking Him, what is happening to my princess.
To be blunt, it’s those things in life that downright suck. I mean, not being able to control what’s happening to your kid, what is happening at work, or something as simple as sitting in traffic. We wish we could control all of these things, but we can’t. So what do we do about it?
Well, I’ve learned lately that letting God take the lead isn’t all that bad. For some reason, I think that he can handle the stress a lot better than I can. I will say that I am not completely stress free or I don’t ever worry about things (far from it actually), but life has gotten a lot better since He took the driver’s seat from me.
Could it be that God doesn’t want us to see everything He is going to do for us for a reason? I once heard it said, “If God let us in on everything He is doing, we may freeze up and back off.”
What if JoDee and I backed off from adoption because one door was shut? What if we didn’t have faith that He would bless us with an adopted child. Instead of two adopted children, I guess we would have none. What if I didn’t marry a beautiful woman with an eight year old kid. Well, I probably wouldn’t understand true faith in the midst of tragedy. What if AnneDee didn’t get sick and spend many nights in the hospital? I’m assuming I probably wouldn’t realize I need to treat every moment I have with my kids as a blessing.
You see, if I knew raising four kids was this hard I may have backed off. If God let me in on all He knows, I may have been frozen dead in my tracks. I may have not wanted the biggest blessings in my life due to fear. I may have just wanted to take the simple road out. I do know that I am a better man because of my kids. I have a better relationship with Jesus because of JoDee.
I recently heard an elder in our church say, “have you ever seen those bumper stickers that say, ‘Jesus is my co-pilot’?” ‘Yes’ was the answer from most. He continued, “the idea was good, but how backwards is that?”. You see, Jesus shouldn’t be our co-pilot, he should be our pilot. He should lead us and we should learn from His guidance.
So how do we succeed in this? Well I have learned recently that saturating my mind in His word is a simple way to know of all His goodness. The bible shows us over and over that God is great. Bad things can happen, but by FAITH in Him, “all things God works for the good of those who love him”– Romans 8:28. Notice the scripture doesn’t say, all things are good, but that God works them out for the good.
Sure, it’s easy for me to point out these blessings because I haven’t experienced great tragedy or great suffering. I know that. However, I also know my wife is a walking example of God rewarding faith. My wife has experienced a lot of suffering and her faith is unraveled. She shows me over and over that God rewards faithfulness and God works things out for the good even in the midst of suffering. One of my favorite passages that I have found in scripture is Hebrews 11. Over and over in this chapter, God shows his greatness through faith. “Without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” Hebrews 11:6.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
So, let’s give God the driver’s seat (especially in a six-seater plane… well, at least don’t get on there with JoDee’s dad unless you want to have a heart attack). Let God’s plan for your life work out according to His will. I think we’ll all see a greater life, even in the midst of suffering. So I ask, who is leading your life?
“J”
watkinjsayfortheday 
